Earlier today Frank Beamer called a surprise press conference to announce his retirement. “This game is too complicated for me.”, Beamer said then sniffed his nose opening his remarks. “I have come to realize that the ordeal of having to coach and field three distinct football units is beyond my capacities. I always felt all you needed to play {sniff} the game was a defense and some special teams who excel at blocking kicks against teams like Duke. Especially when you have them down 20 or so points. But having to field an offensive unit as well, is well, is just too much work. {sniff} That’s why I had our team leave the field with 25 seconds left in the half, in possession of the ball near midfield and a time out left. {sniff} I figured running out the clock {sniff} was our best strategy at that point in the game. Anyway, I just didn’t feel like bothering with that offense nonsense anymore. It wasn’t like we were going need anymore points from our offense being up a whole touchdown. {sniff} I had gameplanned for at least one defensive touchdown {sniff} and a special teams score. Since we didn’t get those in the first half I knew they’d come in the second. {sniff} Heck, I hadn’t even planned on the offense getting us a field goal in the second half. {sniff} So that was sort of a bonus.

“So, I figure at this point I’ll pass along the team to Bryan Steinspring. {sniff} Maybe he can figure out these new fangled football schemes that I just can’t, {sniff} unless I have Michael Vick at quarterback.”

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Edition 10.22.2007

October 22, 2007

Good job Georgia Tech. You managed to run Tashard Choice right out of the line up. Oh well, it’s not like the rest of the football world has anything fear from anyone in the ACC.

So how about my list? Greg Robinson won, Dave Wannstedt won, Karl Dorrell won, Tommy Bowden won, Chan Galey won those are turning out about as good as my point spread picks.

Dave Wannstedt, Pittsburgh: Still topping my list. It really is not a good sign when a team finally wins a game when the head coach is not on the sidelines. There isn’t much bad you can say after win, but the number of empty seats at this game against a top 25 opponent were just astonishing. For god’s sake people, they play their games off campus so the student should actually be able to buy beer at the games. College football is a revenue generating entity. It is this revenue that makes other sports possible that only Christine Brennan can love. If you can’t get people coming to the games you have got to get out.

Greg Robinson, Syracuse: Copy and pase from above, search for Pittsburgh and replace with Syracuse. There was a sign at this game versus Buffalo that said something along the lines of “Hey c’mon, it’s Buffalo.” This says a lot in a couple ways. One, Buffalo is not the cliche horrible Buffalo of the past. And two, Syracuse is trying to find some pride in beating a MACtastic team that is struggling to reach bowl eligibility. In a game where Buffalo was down only one score late the stands looking more like attendance for a girls field hockey championship game than a BCS conference football game played by Jim Brown’s alma mater.

Mike Stoops, Arizona: A fourth quarter loss to Stanford? Well, I guess losing to Stanford isn’t that big a deal anymore. The Cardinal really seem to have turned the corner to being a tough team. Well Mikey, all you have to do to get to a bowl game this year is win out. Four straight wins over Washington, UCLA, Oregon and Arizona State seems reasonable huh? Dude, you are so done.

Ed Orgeron, Mississippi: Yeesh, you think Ole Miss wants to rethink dumping David Cutliffe for having one bad season? Cutliffe put up respectable 7, 8 and 10 win seasons over his first 5 years only to have a 4 winner sneak in there in year six. But I guess that’s how the SEC does things. Now the Rebels are looking at another 3 to 4 win season. Things are bad for ya there Ed. You hung tough with ‘bama and Florida, but that’s not enough.

Sly Croom, Mississippi State: It’s hard to believe you actually won 4 out of 5 game earlier this season. It must have seemed eons ago when West Virginia went up 31 – 0 with two minutes to go in the first quarter. There is really nothing left here for Croom to prove. He has not, is not and will not get it done with Mississippi State. The Bulldogs need to cut their losses.

Earlier today on ESPN radio Boston College head coach Jeff Jagodzinski tempted fate by saying the Virginia Tech crowd won’t affect their game this Thursday night. I have been to games at Lane Stadium, and I have been to many games at many other stadiums. Some other Stadiums come close, but Lane Stadium is waaaaayyyy up there at the top for fan insanity. There have been times at Lane Stadium that make you wonder what is wrong with these people that they make this much noise. I was there in 2001 when the Hokies had a horrible offensive performance going on but somehow managed to stay close with a top ranked Miami. Then Eric Green blocked a punt. I can tell you that was the single loudest moment I have ever experienced in a stadium. Ever. There were people screaming so loud they were falling off the bleacher seats, on which of course they were standing. I was there in 2003 when Miami came to town again and proceeded to get gutted by the Hokie defense. That entire game the stadium was rock concert kinda loud. This year’s Hokies have been flying well under the radar mainly due to yet another horrible offense, but ask Tommy Bowden if Virginia Tech needs offense to win a game. Coach Jeff, if you have never experienced a football game in Blacksburg, if you are not truly familiar with the Hokie fans, when you chose to make that comment, you may not have chosen wisely.