Where’s your Heisman now?

October 25, 2007

If the Heisman winners of the 21st century are any indicator of future winners look for the 2007 Heisman to go to a QB with no chance of succeeding in the NFL.


The leader today for the Heisman?

Denis Dixon, Oregon: There is no offense in the country more fun to watch than the Ducks. He’s a good thrower, a good runner and keeps his team in games.



The top contenders:

Mike Hart, Michigan: I get the feeling this is more of a media sentimental choice than anything. Lloyd Carr has nothing else to go with on his team other than running Hart into the ground. Then again, that is the way of the Conference That Can’t Count. Considering the miles Michigan has put on Hart’s chassis I wouldn’t consider him anything better than a second or third round draft pick.

Matt Ryan, Boston College: He hasn’t exactly faced a murder’s row of defenses so far this year. But coming up he does have Virginia Tech, Florida State and Miami. His chances of winning the trophy rise and/or fall with his success/failure in those games.

Andre Woodson, Kentucky: Week in/week out he seems to be going up against top 10 teams. His efforts against LSU and Florida more than make up for the mildly stinker of a game against South Carolina.



Thanks for applying:

Ray Rice, Rutgers: Heckuva a runner with a big time prime time performance against #2 South Florida. That said, he’ll have to put up those kinds of numbers the rest of the season to win because 1) he plays at Rutgers and 2) Rutgers plays in the Big East.

Derrick McFadden, Arkansas: Hey it sure was swell seeing that pimped out car of yours every game in September. Too bad that’s pretty much all you had to show off during those games.

Colt Brennan, Hawaii: Dude, whatever.



No chance:

Steve Slaton and Pat White, West Virginia: Both off the radars. You two need to do yourselves a favor and go pro after this year. Hanging around to win a title in basketball is fine, but in football you need to cash your checks when you can get them. WVU is not going to win a title this year or next.

Tim Tebow, Florida: I don’t buy that he needs to be throwing and running the ball on 60+% of the team’s plays. No other Gator has had more than 16 carries in a game. I get a sense there is a lot of “I am Tim Tebow. Look at me. Look how awesome I am” going on here. A QB’s job is to get the ball to his play makers. The Gators have some top shelf receivers on that team. You can’t tell me a school like Florida hasn’t recruited a decent enough running back to get the ball 15 to 20 times a game.

Michael Crabtree, Graham Harrell, Texas Tech: Nice numbers, but we all know Texas Tech won’t show in big games. That’s just the way Texas Tech rolls.


1. Mike Stoops, Arizona: Mikey, are you doing ok after this weekend? Man, that first quarter must have really hurt. Your defensive genius gave up 45 points to Cal, 28 in the first quarter. How many would Cal have hung on the board if they didn’t call off the dogs after the first fifteen minutes?

2. Greg Robinson, Syracuse: Congratulations Greg. Awesome job this weekend. You and your Orangemen became the NCAA’s biggest ever point spread upset champions. This game was just a little bit of a surprise as I thought Louisville would come into the game hung over from their defeat to Kentucky the previous week, but I certainly didn’t expect UofL to rollover and die like that.

3. Sylvester Croom, Mississippi State: Well well, for the first time since 2004 you’ve won back to back games. That’s some awesome stuff there Sly. But other than UAB coming to town in a couple weeks the rest of your schedule should leave you slayed, flayed and fileted.

4. Tommy Tuberville, Auburn: You won by five touchdowns. That’s outstanding. You won by five touchdowns over New Mexico State. That’s expected. You were losing in the 2nd quarter to New Mexico State. That’s pathetic. The always reliable intartube rumors have you heading to Texas A&M for next season. At this point I know of a few Auburn alumni who are willing to help you move.

5. Lloyd Carr, Michigan: One thing pleases me nearly as much as seeing Notre Dame get beat. And that is seeing Penn State get beat. I nearly moved you off the list altogether for that win this weekend, but once Ohio State comes calling for you in November it’s curtains for you mug.




Charlie Weis, Notre Dame: On a positive note you broke a 119 year old record this week. The bad news is the Giants won this weekend. That’ll make it a little harder for Coughlin to get fired for you. What does your future hold? A real legit possibility of going 0 – 8 to start the year, and a not that huge of a reach of going 0 – 12 for the season. How will Touchdown Jesus feel about losing to Navy and/or Duke?


Mike Leach, Texas Tech: Whoopidee doo, you sure can run up some awesome passing numbers, but you just can’t win dude. Time for this circus pack up and move on.


Norv Turner, San Diego Chargers: Seriously, I don’t know who to fire first in this situation. Norv or whoever came up with the bright idea of even interviewing him. Did you see LT nearly crying at the post game press conference? That’s the only power Norv Turner has as a head coach.